


Hardly the Best Choice

by amandaithink



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Confused Lucifer, Devil is in the Details, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Lucifer babysitting, Lucifer doesn't like microwaves, Multi, Post-Season/Series 04, Step-Satan, Uncle lucifer, if you haven't seen it stop reading the tags, it's just super fluffy, luciferbingo, some slight angst that comes naturally from the characters, they were like that when i got here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 12:29:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandaithink/pseuds/amandaithink
Summary: Post-Season 4 - summary in notes to protect the eyes of those who haven't seen it yet.





	1. Trixie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ohmylordy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmylordy/gifts).



> Five times that Lucifer needed help while babysitting his nephew. And once when he didn't.
> 
> -
> 
> Was able to also use one of my luciferbingo prompts by happy accident; devil is in the details. 
> 
> For ohmylordy for being amazing and deserving of all of the post s4 fluff
> 
> unbeta'd - all mistakes are mine
> 
> I own nothing

There was no helping it, Lucifer decided. He was going to have to use his wings, there wasn’t a chance in _Hell_ that he was going to let the infant sully his Corvette. The idea of flying with his godson wasn’t appealing either, but it couldn’t be helped. Amenadiel had saddled him with ‘babysitting’, completely ignoring his insistence that in no way was he a suitable guardian for a half-human that was _that_ small. Nor was his penthouse the place for infants. 

He would see if Chloe could sort out the mess. The Detective had her own offspring, so she must have experience in this area. Careful to hold the child safely, the way Amenadiel and Linda had shown him previously, Lucifer extended his wings and flew to Chloe’s apartment, landing in the middle of her living room.

“Lucifer! Your wings are so pretty!” Beatrice exclaimed, startling him immediately. 

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” he asked her, folding his wings away. It didn’t seem that the spawn was having any issues with his divinity. Interesting… but not of priority at the moment.

“Today was a half day and since I’m 10 now, mom said that I could be home alone until she gets here. Isn't it awesome!” the girl exclaimed, latching onto his leg. 

“I'd hardly consider the ability to be unsupervised a state inducing awe, child. Where is your mother?” Obviously she wasn’t, _here_ , but she should be. He distinctly recalls her saying that today was her day off.

He had had _plans_ before being waylaid by his brother.

“She had to go help Nana. I guess the beach house has moths?” Finally he was released and took a step backwards.

“And we must save Penelope Decker’s wardrobe,” Lucifer nodded, it was a noble cause. Unfortunately it left him in a bit of a predicament. With Maze away, there was no one else he could rightly fly to at the moment. Unless he interrupted another one of Linda’s sessions. Her patient _would_ already be in therapy, so really it wouldn’t be _so_ bad.

“I think he needs to be changed.”

Lucifer looked down to see Beatrice scrunching her nose, her focus now on Charlie who was squirming in his hold.

“Yes, that’s what I was hoping for your mother’s help with.”

“You don’t know how to change a baby?” For some reason this information was baffling to the child, though he couldn’t fathom why.

“Why would I know how to change it? I don’t even understand why he can’t use a toilet yet. It shouldn’t be hard to acquire one small enough for him.” 

“He’s too _little_ ,” the urchin had the audacity to roll her eyes at him, “and even _I_ know how to change a baby and I’m not even old enough to babysit yet.”

“You do?! Well, here. Problem solved.” He kneeled and held out the infant for her to take, but she made no move to do so. 

“No. I’ll tell you how and you can do it. I’ve never actually done it before either, and you’re the grown up.”

“Tsk, fine. You’ll owe me, child.” Lucifer still didn’t know what to do with his nephew, so he stayed where he was. 

“Nuh-uh! You owe _me_ for telling you how,” she insisted.

“Is that so?” 

Based on her vigorous head nods, that would have to be the state of the matter. He wasn’t exactly in a position to argue. It made him proud, how devious the Detective’s spawn could be.

“Very well. I’m assuming the first step is removing his tiny golfer’s outfit, yes?”

“Uh huh. I don’t think he looks like a golfer, though.”

“Nonsense, he’s wearing khakis and a polo. The drawing on the front of penguins is just a more flamboyant fashion choice than usual. Why my brother is outfitting him like this is beyond me,” he ranted as he undressed the infant, “but it appears that I’m the only one in the family with any sense of style.”

“You can leave the onesie on still. It’s got that button thing on the bottom,” Beatrice interrupted, “Where’s the diaper bag?”

“Pardon?”

“You know, the bag with the diapers and bottles and stuff in it? Didn’t they leave you one?”

Come to think of it, Lucifer did recall his brother leaving a bag with him. How was he supposed to know it had anything to do with the infant? Then again, he hadn’t been paying the best attention at the time - first thing upon arrival Amenadiel had practically attacked him with his offspring and then forced him to keep hold of Charlie for their entire conversation.

“Yes… I believe so. It’s still at the penthouse. You can be alone with him for a minute, right? Surely that isn’t considered babysitting.”

“It’s fine,” she confirmed, so Lucifer stood and once again unfurled his wings. When he returned he had a large black bag that looked like a cross between a gym bag and a woman’s tote. It really was not his fault that he didn’t know it contained various tools for infant care. 

“You fly really fast!” Beatrice shouted with glee, eyes on his wings again. He really should be quicker about putting them away.

“That’s because I’m an angel, not a bird,” he scoffed, pulling out a diaper and sitting it next to the children (though calling them both _children_ seemed like an injustice to the Detective’s spawn, as despite being half-celestial, his nephew seemed quite underdeveloped in comparison).

“You also need to find wipes. And powder, I think. Maybe lotion, too.”

“Are you quite certain? You don’t sound very sure of yourself. How exactly are you qualified to be talking me through this if you’ve never done it yourself?” It certainly wouldn’t surprise him if the spawn really was playing him.

“I know from when I used to have baby dolls. Just get out the stuff.” Her tone brokered no room for argument, and she was still his only option so he complied. “Alright, now unfold the diaper but don’t take off the tape yet.”

Lucifer continued following her instructions; placing the nappy under his godson, removing the soiled one, wiping him off, and administering lotion and powder before taping the new nappy into place. 

“I’m absolutely certain there are souls being tortured in Hell who are being made to do this exact thing,” he complained as he washed his hands, Beatrice now holding Charlie and cooing at him as all the humans were so prone to doing.

“C’mon, it wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“I suppose you’ll be doing it next time, then?”

The child’s face froze for a moment before she grimaced. “No… it was pretty gross.”

“Precisely. Now how long do you think before your mother is back?” he asked, sitting on the couch next to the two and stretching his legs onto the coffee table.

“I dunno… why?”

“Well what if there needs to be another changing? You cannot possibly expect me to put myself through _that_ again?!”


	2. Ella

It figured really, as he had delayed coming into the precinct due to the lack of case and enormous amount of paperwork Chloe would be doing, that his brother would once again force his nephew upon him. Can’t a Devil catch a break? It wasn’t even as though Lucifer had planned on completely skipping the boring day, but paperwork certainly didn’t require him to show up before lunch.

With the child in hand he couldn’t even drive in like normal - he still was not going to risk any of his vehicles with a passenger known for spitting up at apparently random intervals. Instead he had to fly into an alley and take a circuitous route through the parking garage in order to avoid drawing attention to the crying infant in his arms. 

“Shush now, child, I am handling it,” he muttered, but his words didn’t seem to have any affect.

Somehow they eventually made it into the precinct, with Lucifer having had to sacrifice his tie for the insufferable thing to suck on. When he returned home he was going to have to burn it. Unfortunately there was no sign of the Detective. 

“Hey! I didn’t think you were coming in today,” Miss Lopez greeted him as she walked around the corner, “Oh my God! Is that your nephew?! He is so cute!” 

He was surprised the forensic scientist didn’t slam into them when she ran over, looking ready to snatch Charlie right from his arms. Normally a welcome occurrence, but at the moment he feared the child would begin wailing as soon as it was forced to surrender the Armani necktie. 

“Yes, this is my brother’s offspring,” he confirmed, slowly tilting the infant out of her reach. “Do you know where the Detective’s wandered off to?”

“Oh, she got called to help with an Amber Alert. That’s why it’s so dead in here.”

The turn of events sounded about right. Whenever he _did_ arrive on time to do mundane things, they had a day exactly as droll as advertised. Should he skip, however, it would pick up. Lucifer would have quite enjoyed punishing a low life who abducted a child. It was moot, now, however. While he didn’t know much about appropriate activities to do with children, he was pretty sure that tracking down criminals wasn’t one of them. Otherwise the Detective would not be constantly finding sitters for young Beatrice. 

“Right, well… I’ll be off then,” he sighed.

“Wait, can I hold him for a second? His name’s Charlie, right?”

“Yes, this is Charlie but no… I’m afraid he will not be pleasant company until fed. Apparently at this age they cannot be reasoned with to compromise about their diet.”

“Oh, what’s up buddy? Does he not wanna drink his bottle?”

“It seems not. He’s run out of breast milk and is aware, as any discerning child should be, that the powdered formula does not compare. The fact that I cannot provide him with breast milk is beyond him,” Lucifer huffed, eying his nephew as he continued pulling and sucking on his tie.

“Maybe I can help? We can make up a fresh bottle in my lab, I have a microwave in there.”

“Why in Dad’s name would I need a microwave?” he asked, following Miss Lopez into the other room.

“How else are you going to heat up the water? Wait, you did heat up the water, right?”

“I used a stove. Despite popular opinion, I actually _can_ read instructions… it’s just usually much more fun to ignore them.”

“Okay, well, I guess there is the whole baby-radiation-thing but I don’t have a stove so we’ll have to make do,” she responded, turning on the lights and grabbing the nappy bag from him before he had a chance to sit it down much less hand it to her. The woman needed no assistance in procuring an empty bottle and the oversized container of formula. 

“Where are your bottles of water?” 

“I was at _home_ , Miss Lopez,” Lucifer felt like he was repeating himself.

“It’s okay, I’ve got one somewhere in here,” she assured him just as Charlie’s interest in the tie began to fade and he started to whimper. If Miss Lopez was unable to make formula to the infant’s satisfaction, Lucifer was ready to fly into Linda’s office. It was near her lunch break, if he remembered correctly. Surely she could use it to feed her offspring as well as herself.

Returning with a water bottle, Ella proceeded to prepare a bottle without once looking at the instructions. “I come from a pretty big family,” she explained as he watched, “and that means _lots_ of little second cousins. My abuela’s house around Christmas? _Full_ of screaming babies, but it’s all good.”

He meant to acknowledge her tale, he really did, but his godson was demanding quite a lot of his attention as he bounced him up and down. 

“Aww, you’re so cute with him! Here, do you want me to try feeding him?” She appeared at his elbow when he wasn’t looking. While Lucifer still saw no point in installing a microwave in his penthouse, he could not deny that the bottle prep method was much quicker.

“Ah, yes, thank you dear,” he sighed, eagerly granting her the infant. Miss Lopez held him close and hummed as she gave him the bottle, and the devil found himself feeling outraged when the starving child began drinking the foul smelling liquid. Of all the disloyal creatures! Formula made with artisan spring water heated on a proper stove, no. Microwaved Dasani and he drinks it as if it’s the best thing he’d ever tasted. The injustice of it all!

“Well!” Lucifer exclaimed before abruptly turning on his heel to look out into the bull pen. There was no need for her to witness him acknowledging that his nephew had bested him. Ella continued humming and then began conversing with Charlie, even though the infant still refused to speak legibly in return. He leaned against a nearby countertop and set about ignoring them both until they had finished the feeding.

“Lucifer?” she called out to him after awhile. 

“Yes?” he turned around, releasing his grip on the counter only to realize that he had indented it with his fingers. Perhaps no one would notice before he could replace it… the lab was probably due for some sort of refitting. 

“He finished his- are you okay?” The worried look he was getting made little sense to him. He was fine, why wouldn’t he be?

“Perfectly alright, Miss Lopez. You were done with my nephew?” He took the child from her and she laid a muslin over his shoulder. Nasty business, he really was probably going to have to incinerate the entire ensemble after the inevitable posset. As he readjusted to sling the care bag over his shoulder he caught his reflection in one of the metal cabinets. Somehow his body had betrayed him, with red wet eyes that made him look much more upset than he really felt. Why would he let a barely cognizant half-celestial infant have such power over him? It was ridiculous. 

“If it helps… uh… I really think you just waited long enough that he was so hungry he didn’t care about the formula anymore,” the scientist tried to cheer him up, “Babies are like that sometimes. They’ll be super picky if they’re not that hungry, but once they have to wait they’ll take whatever you’ve got.” 

“I will… keep note of that,” Lucifer nodded before exiting the lab. He had had enough embarrassment for one day, and as Chloe was still nowhere to be seen he would head back home. Now that he knew Charlie just intended to torture himself until the subpar food seemed like divine sustenance, the whole thing should be that much easier. 

Getting out of the precinct was much more difficult than getting in, since he hadn’t thought of sneaking out. The hordes of police personnel wanting to see his nephew were effectively keeping them at a standstill. 

“C’mon guys,” he heard Miss Lopez arrive behind him, “I know Charlie is, like, the most adorable baby _ever_ , but he just got fed. It’s gonna be nap time for this little guy pretty quick here.”

Slowly a path was cleared, and the three of them made it to the parking garage in silence, Lucifer not quite sure why she was coming with them.

“Thank you,” he finally said, stopping and turning toward her when he remembered that he did not drive here.

“No problem, dude! You’re a great uncle, you know.”

“Heh, I appreciate the sentiment but I am hardly the best choice when it comes to ‘babysitters’.”

“Hey! None of that! You’ve totally got this, and when you can’t figure out something you ask for help, and that just shows how much you care!” she assured him. 

“Is that so?”

“Totally, and if you ever need some more babysitting tips you know where to find me.”


	3. Eve

As Chloe was currently ill and Beatrice was staying with the Douche, Lucifer decided to take Miss Lopez up on her offer. Flying directly to the doorstep of her apartment, he wasted no time before opening the door and entering. 

“Miss Lopez?” he called, “It’s Lucifer Morningstar. I was wondering if you might do me a favor.”

Ignoring the boxes strewn around the living area he stepped around the corner into the kitchen, where he could hear signs of life.

“Ella got called into work.”

Turning away from where she had been chopping a cucumber was Eve. He froze for a moment, having definitely not expected to find his ex-girlfriend _here_ of all places. Before he had a chance to ask her what was going on, Charlie began wailing yet again. 

“Ohh hi Charlie!” Eve cooed, reaching out for him despite the crying. Lucifer gladly let her take the whelp, eager to cede the responsibility. “Someone's cranky.”

“That’s putting it quite lightly. He’s been at it for almost an hour! Doesn’t need changed, doesn’t need fed, and can’t speak to tell me what’s ailing him!” Lucifer began pacing (or what could be considered pacing in such a small space). 

“When was his last nap?” she asked, rocking his nephew slowly and seeming to be completely indifferent to his volume.

“Nap? How am I supposed to know his sleeping habits? Amenadiel just hands him to me whenever he ‘needs a break’ and Linda is at work, no warning whatsoever!” he complained.

“Well that’s not very nice. I think he’s just sleepy.” Eve then proceeded to start softly singing… High Hopes, for some reason? Paying more attention, he noticed that it was currently playing at low volume on the radio sitting on the counter. Of course how was he supposed to notice earlier when Charlie had been making such a racket?

“It slipped my mind, that you’re a mother,” Lucifer admitted as he watched his godson slowly fall asleep.

“Well, it’s been a long time since any of my children were _this_ little. But it’s not really something you forget.”

“Hmm… I wouldn’t know.”

It didn’t take long before the infant was asleep, and he was at a loss for what to do now that his charge was unconscious.

“How long will he be napping?”

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe an hour if nothing wakes him. Why?”

“Should I leave him with you? Do we sit him down somewhere? From what I’ve gathered he normally sleeps in a cot - more like a roofless cage, really. Either way, we don’t have those at Lux.”

“You don’t need a crib, people have just made childcare way more complicated. Here-” Eve walked over to where he had set the nappy bag, kicked it open wider, and pulled out one of the many small blankets that perpetually resided inside, “we can just put him on the floor.”

“The _floor_?! Darling, if you aren’t careful the others will realize you were once practically a cave person.”

“Babies don’t mind! It’s safer for them, anyway. Less likely to fall down or stop breathing, I figured that out myself,” she smiled as she laid his nephew on a stretch of rug in the living area that was far from the pile of boxes.

“Are you _living_ here?!” he asked, getting distracted.

“Shh you’ll wake him up,” she reminded, in a much lower voice, “but yeah, Ella needed a new roommate. I didn’t plan on staying at Lux forever, so it worked out. Actually I was going to tell you tonight.”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense for Ella to move in with you? It’s much nicer in Maze’s old rooms. More legroom, for one.” Had he known before exactly how small Miss Lopez’s apartment was, he would have moved her up to Lux immediately. Mazikeen’s floor had been sitting empty for ages, and he did enjoy the company during the day afforded by having friends living at Lux.

“That wouldn’t really help me try living on my own, Lucifer. I appreciate the offer, though, really. I just need to do this.”

He nodded slowly. It really was for the best. There seemed to be a social stigma attached to living so near a former romantic partner, every time a human found out about it they reacted unfavorably. Since it was no longer a priority, he decided there was no need to bring it up with Dr Linda at their next session as he had originally planned - he would instead discuss at length the torment that her _baby daddy_ has been putting him through.

“Very well. I’ll throw you two a housewarming party at Lux.”

“Ooh, but I want to have it here!” she refuted, all the while looking excited at the prospect of a party.

“How will people fit?” he countered, looking around again.

“It’ll just be a small party. A dinner party, maybe?”

“Sounds delightful,” Lucifer agreed, finding himself quite happy for her. He had always wanted the best for Eve. He walked back into the kitchen for a moment, eventually coming back with champagne glasses and white wine. “I wanted to do a toast but Dad help you, _this_ is your best alcohol and _these_ are your best glasses. I believe I know what I’ll be getting you as a housewarming present.”

She just laughed as he poured the drinks and passed her one, and he found himself laughing a bit as well. It felt… strange and bittersweet. Maybe this would be the topic of his next session. 

“Cheers!” they clinked their glasses only to be interrupted by Charlie beginning to cry. 

“Bloody hell,” he rolled his eyes while picking his nephew up and mimicking the hold Eve had been using earlier.

“Guess we were too loud. Just rock him real slow and sing softly.”

“What to sing, though? Do all infants prefer alternative pop music?” he inquired, beginning the rocking and noticing that it did indeed seem to be helping.

“You can sing whatever you want. If he doesn’t like your song choice, he’ll let you know.”

“Very well then,” Lucifer nodded before focusing on his godson.

_When skies are cloudy and gray_

_They're only gray for a day_

_So wrap your troubles in dreams_

_And dream your troubles away_

As he watched, Charlie stopped making noises and seemed to be intently focused on the words. Good, a Sinatra fan. Finally something the two of them had in common.

_Until that sunshine peeps through_

_There's only one thing to do_

_Just wrap your troubles in dreams_

_And dream all your troubles away_

The child’s eyes were slowly drooping. It would actually be quite a shame, having his nephew fall asleep on him now. He would miss the end of the song, and in the one moment Lucifer had witnessed him actually paying attention to something.

_Your castles may tumble, that's fate after all_

_Life's really funny that way_

_No use to grumble, smile as they fall_

_Weren't you king for a day?_

It appeared that Charlie had fallen back asleep, but he decided to continue just a little longer - to be sure.

_Just remember that sunshine_

_Always follows the rain_

_So wrap your troubles in dreams_

_And dream your troubles away_

Officially napping, Lucifer placed the infant back onto the blanket in the same way he had seen Eve do earlier. He slept on even after being placed on the floor, of all places.

“That was great, Lucifer!” Eve smiled and mimed clapping. “We can walk closer to the kitchen. As long as we’re close enough to hear and see him right now, he’s good to nap.”

“Alright. I’m very grateful for your help, you know. I owe you quite the favor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, the song Lucifer sings is Wrap Your Troubles In Dreams by Frank Sinatra.


	4. Dan

Taking long strides and walking with purpose, Lucifer carried his godson into the precinct. While he knew that Chloe was at a conference in Reno (he intended to surprise her on the final night by taking her to Vegas - assuming Las Vegas had lost it’s unpleasant associations, and if not his backup plan was the Grand Canyon. Perhaps the Grand Canyon should be plan A… it really was best not to risk it), Miss Lopez should still be at work.

It was with great disappointment that he found her lab to be empty.

“What are you doing here today?” he heard Detective Douche asking as he turned around.

“Just checking to see if Miss Lopez was around. I had a childcare question for her and thought we might get lunch.”

“You can’t just come in here every time you don’t know what to do about your nephew, man. This is a police precinct.”

“I’m aware. Hence the lunch. Anyway, last time had been an emergency… of sorts.”

Daniel rolled his eyes but said nothing and Lucifer began to walk away. Eve had mentioned she would be taking Maze to an exhibit at a local museum about Medieval weaponry today, so that the demon could tell her stories about knives. As far as dates went he had agreed that it was perfect for Mazikeen so he couldn’t very well ruin it by showing up unannounced with an infant. It would have to wait. Perhaps he could have Linda translate later.

“Hold up!”

Lucifer turned just before reaching the stairs to see the ungraceful detective running up to him. It really was a wonder, what Chloe had seen in him. Perhaps she found ridiculous running posture to be charming? Or maybe something else offset the embarrassment of having to be near him in a gym? It was impossible to tell, and he wasn’t about to ask her.

“Yes?”

“What was your question? For Ella? Maybe I can help. I am a dad, you know.” The man did have a point.

“It’s nothing urgent, I don’t think. The child is trying to tell me something, but his babbling is indecipherable - obviously not real language, otherwise I would understand him. Ella’s made acquaintance with a lot of infants, so I thought she may be able to translate for me.”

The look on the other man’s face seemed both skeptical and resigned. “Maybe we better do lunch.”

They left the precinct on foot, not picking up the conversation again until they reached a food vendor offering different varieties of sandwiches. Not Lucifer’s first choice, but not something worth complaining about either.

“So why do you want to figure out what he’s saying so badly?” Daniel asked after taking a bite of his turkey club, “He’s a baby, they’re just kind of… mysterious that way.”

“What do you expect me to do? Ignore him when I know he’s trying to speak to me? I get enough of that from my Father, thanks.”

“Yeah, but… you’re not going to be able to figure it out exactly. He can’t talk yet, so you’re going off body language… _maybe_ tone. I don’t think Ella would have been able to help either, man.”

Body language… how could he have forgotten? “Perhaps Charlie can begin learning sign language if he can’t yet master using his voice.” Lucifer stretched out on the bench of the picnic table and situated his godson to sit up against his elevated thighs. 

“I’ve actually heard of parents who do that, but it takes time. You can’t just teach him sign language in a day.”

“Deary no, but we can still make do. I highly doubt his desires are anything complex, he’s only just begun to move around of his own volition.”

“Whatever.” Detective Douche turned his full attention to his lunch. 

Deciding to ignore the other man’s indifference, Lucifer slid the nappy bag off his shoulder and onto the ground next to him… but then found himself to be in a bit of a predicament. It didn’t seem like such a good idea to jostle the baby while sitting this way.

“Daniel? If you could be a lamb, I’m afraid I could use your assistance.”

“With what?” The devil grimaced at being spoken to by someone with food still in their mouth, but decided to soldier on.

“If you could part from your lunch for a moment, I need you to hold up various items for me from Charlie’s tote. You’re no Vana White, but I’ll have to make do.”

While the detective did not seem pleased, he did sit down his lunch and come over to kneel next to the bag. “Am I gonna have to pull out everything or what’s the plan?”

“His nappy is fine and he’s already had his afternoon meal, so I’d imagine we can ignore those items for now.”

Daniel pulled out a teething ring, and Lucifer began speaking while at the same time signing, “Do you want this?” 

With the child appearing uninterested, he motioned for a new item to be brought up. A blanket was offered. “Do you want this?” he repeated. Another apparent no. They repeated the process with a stuffed bear, another blanket, a rattle, and a device the douche informed him was for strapping the infant directly to one’s body - apparently to free up the arms, despite how dreadful it would be to have the small half-human directly pressed against the center of his suit to defile it in who knows how many ways. None of the items were what his godson desired.

“Next,” Lucifer sighed.

“Man, how long are we going to be doing this? I’m hungry and your nephew is obviously fine with you not knowing. He’s one of the least fussy babies I’ve seen, actually.” 

“Some patience, Daniel. I hope if it were Beatrice you’d make the time.” He hadn’t meant for it to sound as disapproving and mildly threatening as it did, but happy accidents. Without a word the man lifted up a book, and within moments Charlie was babbling in a manner similar to the way he had at the penthouse earlier. 

“Finally! Very well then, offspring, we’ll read the book.” Lucifer snatched the thing out of the other’s hand without a glance, and read the title. _The Little Prince_ , apparently. He’d heard of it, but never had much of an interest in children’s literature (though he did make an exception for Harry Potter after Beatrice’s incessant nagging). If he had to take a guess, Linda was probably the one reading it to him. His brother was never one to read much fiction. 

“You’re going to just read it here?”

“I’ve no other pressing engagements,” Lucifer shrugged, opening it up to the bookmarked page and transferring his nephew back into his arms. His own sandwich had long been forgotten, not that he had really cared to eat it in the first place. “ _On the fifth day, thanks again to the sheep, another secret of the little prince’s life was revealed to me_. Well I can’t have that, you may know these secrets but I’m completely in the dark. We’ll have to start at the beginning,” he decided. Detective Douche was still in attendance, back to eating and thankfully no longer providing commentary.

“ _Once when I was six I saw a magnificent picture in a book about the jungle, called_ True Stories _. It showed a boa constrictor swallowing a wild beast. Here is a copy of the picture._ They are referring to this terrible piece of artwork,” he explained to Charlie, showing him the page, “You may as well take note of the second piece as well, as obviously the snake has succeeded in consuming an elephant. Completely unrealistic, as all snakes of that size were extinct well before elephants came into being.”

“You’ve read this before?” Daniel inquired.

“No, why?” Apparently it had been too much to hope that the detective would allow him to read uninterrupted.

“How do you know it’s supposed to be an elephant inside a snake?”

“I have a fine eye for art, Daniel, even if it’s horribly drawn art. The Devil is in the details, after all. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Lucifer sighed, refocusing on the book, “ _In the book it said: ‘Boa constrictors swallow their prey whole, without chewing. Afterward they are no longer able to move, and they sleep during the six months of their digestion.’_ ” 

Reading aloud to his godson was actually quite soothing, and he found he was actually enjoying the book. Dr Martin did have good taste, so he really shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Hey, I’m heading back to the station,” the detective interrupted him as they finished the part about the Baobabs.

“I hardly realized you were still present. Carry on,” Lucifer waved him off and then felt pressed to continue, “and… thank you. For your assistance in figuring out his desire.”

“Uhm… yeah, man, no problem. You know, as shocking as it is, you’re actually really good with him.”

Not knowing how to respond to this, Lucifer just nodded and after a moment Daniel walked away. It took him another few moments before he could refocus on reading. The Devil, good with infants. It was absurd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exerpts from The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery (which I also do not own)


	5. Chloe

They were at the precinct, Chloe diligently moving through paperwork as he shifted between trying to help and fidgeting with anything available. There were no current cases, just additional minutia required for the ones they had recently solved. It was utterly boring so when Amenadiel walked into the bull pen with Charlie, Lucifer found himself barely minding the interruption (and inevitable imposition). 

“Are you busy, brother?” the angel asked, stopping next to them at the Detective’s desk and drawing her attention as well. 

“Not particularly… why?” he asked, pleased to finally have proof for Chloe about his claims of being barraged with babysitting duties.

“I was wondering if you could watch Charlie for a few hours.”

“Amenadiel, we’re at work right now. You can’t just use Lucifer as an on call nanny.”

“Maze is unavailable,” his brother explained, “and Lucifer is the next best option. If I’m not with him, I feel safer knowing he’s well protected.”

“I don’t see what you’re so worried about,” Lucifer rolled his eyes, “you must trust me when I tell you that you have nothing to fear from rogue demons. The example I set in Hell after that kidnapping incident has definitely taken hold. A demon would have to be suicidal to test my wrath.”

“Still. Can you watch him?”

“Fine,” he sighed, holding out his arm to take the child and his large amount of accessories. It really was a mark against bureaucracy that watching a helpless infant was preferable to filing the forms necessary to get anything done in the human justice system. 

“Excuse me? Amenadiel, what’s so important?” Chloe asked, but his brother ignored her, barely saying goodbye before walking out of the station.

“Well that was rude of him,” Lucifer scowled before giving the Detective an apologetic look, “I suppose I should be off. I’ve been told by your ex-Douche that I shouldn’t be bringing my nephew to the precinct. For how chummy he and my brother are, you’d think Amenadiel would have gotten a similar message.”

With a sigh, she put down her pen and began tidying her desk. “We’ve made good progress and I can finish a lot of these at home. I’ll come with you.”

“While I appreciate the sentiment, love, you don’t have to. I think I’ve worked out most of the kinks.”

“No, really, I want to. I’ve never really gotten a chance to see you with him, and I’d like to get to know your nephew,” she smiled and he could deny her nothing.

“Very well. Where would you like to go? Charlie is quite portable, but has the drawback of being quite dull and very restricted in his activities.”

“We can just head back to my place- wait, where’s his car seat?” she asked, looking around as if expecting one to appear out of thin air.

“Car seat? As if I’d allow him near one of my vehicles. I fly him around. Suits are much easier to replace than vintage cars. Still a shame, though - I had quite liked this one.” Maybe if he stopped by the penthouse and changed immediately, a nice steaming would save his Prada. He still had the outfit he wore while mimicking Daniel and wouldn’t mind if that was ruined by the infant. 

“So we’re just going to… fly there?” Chloe looked nervous, reminding Lucifer that he had yet to take her flying (her spawn, however, had required constant trips ever since the day she saw his wings). 

“I could meet you at your home if that’s what you prefer…?” he offered, tilting his head in an attempt to gauge her expression. 

“Uh… how would it work, with you flying both me and the baby?”

“You would have to hold him while I held you. It would only take a moment, we could probably just step into the conference room.”

“And have everyone wonder where we disappeared to? No, let’s at least walk to our cars,” she decided, looking more confident about the matter than she had initially. He followed her lead and they made their way to the parking garage in uncharacteristic silence. Just as they neared the Detective’s car, Charlie started whimpering.

“Give me a moment, would you?” Lucifer requested, handing him off to Chloe before securing her in a sturdy embrace. He once again landed in the living area of her apartment - this time without Beatrice’s presence. Nervous about the Detective’s rigid posture post-flight, he gently lifted the infant out of her grasp.

“Holy sh-” the Detective cut herself off, no doubt remembering they were in the presence of a child (despite it being one that was in no way paying attention to what they were currently saying). 

“Having wings can be quite efficient, I’ll give them that,” he acknowledged before feeling his godson’s nappy and, finding it dry, proceeding to locate a bottle of milk to be heated. “If you could exercise just a little patience.” The gentle scolding was ignored, as usual.

Chloe followed him into the kitchen, watching as he dumped the contents of the bottle into a saucepan and put it on low. “You know I have a microwave, right?”

“Et tu, Detective? It’s as though none of you humans have any appreciation for the sanctity of your food. I hardly think he’ll starve while it heats,” Lucifer scoffed, using one hand to tilt the pan every so often to keep the liquid moving while he held the infant in the other. 

“It’s fine, just never mind,” she laughed, and he couldn’t quite decipher the expression on her face. It seemed fond, but also held something else… something he couldn’t put his finger on. He would have to try to describe it to Linda at their next session. Charlie was beginning to thrash around as his whimpers became intermittent cries, and Chloe was kind enough to take him as Lucifer finished with the bottle.

“Here you are, then. It’s a bit late for lunch, but-” The squirming infant immediately smacked away the bottle. Brow furrowed, Lucifer wasn’t sure what to do. He had never seen his nephew this upset.

“Maybe he’s just tired,” she suggested.

“I doubt it…” He was now well aware of the child’s behavior when it needed rest, and this was not it. The Detective had begun rocking him anyway, but the wails were only growing more shrill.

“Is he teething?” she asked, just at he was about to give into the urge to cover his ears.

“Teething? What the me is that?” After giving him an initially baffled look, she just shook her head and handed him the infant before digging through the nappy bag. Pulling out the apparently aptly named teething ring, she came over and put it directly near Charlie’s mouth. His small hands immediately grabbed it, and he was silent.

“He’s getting his baby teeth. It’s painful for them, but those help. Amenadiel should have told you.”

“So this whole little wobbly could have been avoided? Yes, he really should have.” Lucifer began planning retribution for his brother’s reticence. Perhaps he could get Maze to assist him. There really would have to be consequences. 

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to help you. I just couldn’t believe your brother really didn’t explain any of this to you.”

“It’s hardly your fault. Apparently Amenadiel is turning into Father, what with his lack of communication. I will be sure to point this out to him,” he assured her, fine tuning some of his ideas as they sat down on Chloe’s couch. 

For awhile they sat in silence, apart from his godson’s cooing noises. The Detective kept looking at him in the same indecipherable manner she had earlier, until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“What is it?” he asked, seeming to startle her.

“What?”

“The way you’re looking at me. It’s confusing,” Lucifer tried to explain, but didn’t really know how to elaborate.

“It’s just… really nice, seeing you like this. You obviously care about him a lot.”

He nodded slowly, still uncertain.

“There’s something really… attractive… about seeing you with a baby,” she admitted, a soft blush covering her cheeks.

“Really now?” he grinned, never having expected _that_ to be the reason behind her stares.

“Don’t let it go to your head,” she smirked, even as she slid closer to him in order to wrap an arm around his waist. 

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that. Is there something you’re trying to tell me? A sudden interest in birthing the antichrist, perhaps?” he joked and was predictably swatted at for his efforts. 

“There is no way we’ve been together long enough to be having this conversation, Lucifer. Let’s just… enjoy the moment.”

“If you’re quite sure,” he conceded, “but think of all the fun we could be having-”

“Do not start talking about having sex in front of the baby,” she hissed, nudging him slightly even as she smiled. Lucifer smiled in return, feeling oddly content to just sit here with her and his nephew.


	6. +1 Lucifer

For the first time Amenadiel had saddled him with his nephew for an evening, instead of the middle of the day. While it put a curb in his plans to make an appearance at Lux, Lucifer found that he wasn’t too upset about watching over the child. For once he felt decently prepared, so even though he knew his friends would likely be home should he need assistance it wasn’t really necessary.

Beatrice had cashed in on their deal upon finding out that the floor below his penthouse was currently vacant. To satisfy the favor owed, he had ended up re-outfitting the rooms to be able to house and entertain both the Detective’s spawn and Charlie. Not wanting to actually spend hours down there, he had ended up simply moving some of the infant items up to the penthouse after his brother left. A high chair and play swing had been sufficient. 

Everything had gone smoothly, the infant having immediately been enamored with the swing and spending an absurd amount of time bouncing in it. Bored, as he tended to get after spending so much time holding a one sided conversation (though his godson was improving on his sign language… slowly), Lucifer began to play the piano. He had barely managed a few notes before Charlie was babbling at him and waving his arms.

“Interested, are you?” he smiled, picking up the child and bringing him over. While he could only play with one hand now, it seemed to not diminish his nephew’s enthusiasm as he watched with rapt attention.

“Why don’t you give it a try.” Lifting him slightly, Lucifer barely had to get Charlie in reach before he started banging on the keys amid squeals of glee. “I think we’re going to need to develop your ear for music,” he decided, but didn’t get very far in his thought process.

While his godson seemed oblivious to the development in all of his cacophonous distraction, a pair of small wings unfurled from his back nearly hitting Lucifer in the face.

“Well… look at that,” he whispered, not above admitting a little awe. Slowly he adjusted his hold on the infant in order to stroke the tiny, powder grey downy feathers. They were incredibly soft, more so than any other angel feathers he had felt - the only baby feathers to have ever existed. Charlie didn’t seem to take any notice, happily smashing piano keys with no rhyme or reason. Lucifer allowed him to continue with no further interruptions, aside from occasionally attempting to insert a melody or two to accompany the chaos.

Much later, with the child asleep on his chest as Lucifer reread _The Odyssey_ for a good laugh, the lift dinged. A quick glance saw that his nephews wings were still hidden (they had folded away shortly after Charlie had gotten tired of the piano, and he wasn’t sure the small half-celestial knew they had been out to begin with or had any voluntary control over their appearance), though he doubted it was anyone other than Amenadiel.

“What are we doing at Lucifer’s?” he heard Linda asking as they stepped out of the lift, “I thought we were going to pick Charlie up from the sitter’s and then go home?”

“We are. Lucifer is watching him,” his brother replied.

“Yes, I am,” he acknowledged, and the two of them finally seemed to notice his presence in the dimly lit room.

“Oh! Lucifer! Thank you. I, uh… we had discussed easing you into childcare. I know it makes you uncomfortable,” she explained, abandoning his brother’s side to come closer only to stop and appraise him and her son.

“Easing me in?! Amenadiel drops the miscreant into my arms whenever he sees fit!” Lucifer exclaimed, even as he minded his volume due to the sleeping infant on his chest, “This is hardly the first time.”

“ _What_?!” Linda turned to glare at his brother.

“I understand where you were coming from, Linda, but you know Luci. He would never have voluntarily wanted to spend time with his godson at this age, and as Charlie’s Uncle I felt it important for them to bond. All of the books I’ve read say that infant bonding is very important,” he explained.

“So _this_ is why you keep showing up and leaving me with your offspring?” Lucifer asked, raising an eyebrow. “And you couldn’t have told me this, why, now?”

“I thought you would refuse.”

“Amenadiel!” Linda sounded outraged enough for the both of them, so Lucifer settled for simply glaring at his sibling. Yes, he would definitely be administering punishment soon. Preferably on a day when Linda was with Charlie so as to not inconvenience his unknowing nephew.

“I… may have been wrong,” the angel muttered, looking away from them and toward the bar.

“And all of your talk about wanting him adequately protected, did you make that up to appease the Detective?”

“No, that was also a reason.”

Lucifer scoffed as Linda gently picked up her son which allowed him to stand.

“Well I suppose it ended up being for the best. Imagine if you had employed a human sitter and his wings popped out,” he conceded, heading toward the bar. With the child’s parents here he could finally indulge in an adequate amount of alcohol.

“His _wings_?!” They spoke in unison, causing him to turn.

“Yes? Have you not seen them yet?” From the looks on their faces, he was guessing not. They verbally confirmed this and then made him tell them all about the experience multiple times - Lucifer was glad to have a glass of scotch while being forced to describe his godson’s feathers in horrendous detail. 

Amenadiel seemed so disappointed he almost felt that missing out on his spawn’s first unfurling was punishment enough.

Almost.

Soon enough the two gathered the contents of Charlie’s nappy bag and were ready to leave. Before they reached the elevator, Linda turned to him.

“It sounds like you’ve been doing a really great job, Lucifer,” she said, smiling up at him as she held her sleeping child close.

“Well… it hasn’t all been horrible,” he admitted, unsure of what else to say.

“I want to know if you… if you would _want_ to watch Charlie some days? Without feeling like you’ve been forced.”

For a moment Lucifer was speechless, because the answer to her honest question surprised him. “You know… I wouldn’t mind that. Not all the time, of course, but… yes. Yes I would.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Comments super appreciated! I would love to hear your thoughts/constructive criticism/etc.


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